Now, Everything
by lunastars
Summary: "When Rick would struggle but felt like he couldn't talk to Lori or Shane he came to me. When I had nightmares over Merle but Daryl wasn't there I went to Rick. When things went from bad to worse on the farm we were there for each other again. The Dixon's had been my only family until that point."


**A/N: **_so there is no like proper pairing for this. But it is officially a Merle/OC but also UNofficially a Rick/OC story too (which will make more sense as you read it, I promise). There could potentially be more chapters to this, let me know what you think. :) – also if you haven't seen the first three seasons or maybe you're just behind on any of the show, don't read._

_**Flashbacks are in italics.**_

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><p><em>I screamed as Rick held onto me. He kept me back against his chest as I cried and struggled. I could barely look at the handcuffs or the blood or Merle's hand that connected the two. This was not how this was supposed to go. If I had known this was how it was going to end up I wouldn't have tried to change anything.<em>

_"It's going to be okay," Rick hushed, his lips by my ear._

_It was only as Rick spoke that Daryl seemed to realise my distress. He made his way over to me. I knew he was probably looking down on me, that Merle would be too if he were here but I couldn't stop the tears or the screams._

_"Harley," Daryl said softly as he stood in front of me._

_He didn't have to raise his voice. The soft tone alone shocked me into looking up at him. Dixon's didn't cry and although I wasn't a proper Dixon I was as good as._

_"Bring him back," I pleaded. I no longer struggled against Rick but he still held onto me, supporting me. "Please, please, just make him come back."_

_"It might not be that easy," Daryl said in defeat._

_"I love him," I sobbed as I curled forward a little, Rick coming with me so that he could still hold onto me._

_"I know," Daryl said as he reached out and gently lifted my head up with his fingers. "And you can tell him that yourself."_

_"It's all my fault."_

_He dropped his hands but I kept my head up to see him shake his own." No, you're not."_

_"He wasn't going to go," I admitted._

_Daryl blinked a few times and stepped back. "What?"_

_"He wasn't going to come into the city until I convinced him it was the right thing to do," I explained, crying harder now as the guilt washed over me._

_Rick picked me off of the ground slightly and set me back down again, this time standing up a lot straighter. He kept me against his chest as his lips near my ear said softly, "don't do that to yourself."_

_"He's right," Daryl said after a moment. "It's not your fault. If ya don't believe that, then believe that we're all to blame in some way."_

_As Daryl walked away I turned around a little. The second my eyes landed on Rick's face he smiled. A soft smile, a reassuring one. I wrapped my arms around his middle and laid my head on his chest. He put his arms around me and I felt his chin rest on top of my head. When I first met him I hated him. I blamed him for leaving Merle here and I hated that he got to come back when Merle didn't._

_Now?_

_Now everything is different._

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><p>I grabbed the cloth that hung out of Daryl's back pocket as I passed. He looked up from working on his bike and glared at me. I grinned, wiped my hands and threw it back at him. He shook his head as he caught it with one hand and put it back. When I turned around I spotted Carl standing outside of the prison just watching something in the grounds.<p>

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked as I got closer.

I placed my hand gently on the top of his head as he looked up at me. "You have to talk to him."

I looked to where Carl had been looking. Rick was sat in the grass. His knees bent and his arms lightly rested on them. A lone flower was in his hands as he gently picked at the petals.

"Maybe he just needs some time," I suggested.

"He needs you. Harley, please," he begged.

As he looked up at me it was hard to say no. Since Lori had died I tried my hardest to look after the Grimes' family. Ever since that day on the roof I had wanted to re-pay Rick. I did so by standing up for him and his decision to go to the CDC. I thought that would be it, that I would feel like my debt was paid but it went beyond that. I helped with Carl where I could. When Rick would struggle but felt like he couldn't talk to Lori or Shane he came to me. When I had nightmares over Merle but Daryl wasn't there I went to Rick. When things went from bad to worse on the farm we were there for each other again. The Dixon's had been my only family until that point. Lori never seemed to like the fact that I was around until we got to the prison. The only regret I had was that we never cleared the air sooner. After what happened I did my bit with looking after Judith and I made sure to spend as much time with Carl as possible. What he had to go through was beyond words and I never wanted it to affect him as deeply as it could.

"You helped me," he said softly. "I know you haven't spoken to him properly in a while, but you could help him too."

"He doesn't want to speak to me," I said, deciding to be honest now.

Carl just looked from Rick to me. "_Please_."

As I watched him I knew that arguing would be pointless. I finally leaned over and kissed the top of his head before I made my way over to where Rick sat.

When I approached he didn't look up or even make a move to suggest that he knew I was there. I sighed as I sat down in the grass beside him. I mirrored the way he was sitting, hoping to get some kind of comment out of him but he just continued to pick at the flower and stare ahead.

"Carl wanted me to talk to you."

That got his attention. He glanced my way. "So you're not here out of your own choice?"

"You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want to talk to me anymore."

"I was angry-"

"No," I cut him off. "You don't get to do that. You blame me for how bad things got between you and Lori. You said it yourself. If you weren't running to me with your problems then you could have been talking to her."

"Harley…" He took a deep breath, finally throwing the flower. "I didn't mean that. I really was angry and you were just the first person I saw."

"You don't think I don't feel the same way?" I asked softly. He looked over at me, taken aback a little. "I _know_ that you should have been making things right with her instead of talking to me."

"Don't do that to yourself."

Like always I was taken back to that moment on the roof. I shuffled closer and rested my head on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

He took my hand in his, our fingers locking tightly together. "I've missed you."

"You'll always have me," I told him honestly. "I've tried to leave before but I couldn't. Something changed on that rooftop and again at the CDC."

"Carl asked me if I was going to replace Lori with you." I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue on. "I told him I could never do that. He said he didn't mind you being around then."

At first Carl hadn't wanted to talk to me, until one day he suddenly opened up. It must have been after he spoke to Rick.

"You look like shit," I said after the silence stretched out for far too long.

He chuckled and squeezed my hand. "Sorry your highness."


End file.
